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Author Topic: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...  (Read 280 times)

Yassine_shadow

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Ok, what is this about?? Well it's about me and if you are not interested in this feel free to not read the following long ass story. (I told some people but this is the full story)

Ok, when I was 12/11 years old I saw that my mum already didn't feel any good. Eventually we went to a Doctor (me, my mum, my sis and my dad) the Doctor(s) pointed out that it's really hard to say it with me and my sis around so we got send out the room and had to wait there. Eventually I heard my mum crying and I was really curious about wtf was going on in there... I had the chance to just hear these few sentences: my mum: "Please tell me everything will be alright I AM NOT gonna die right!?" Eventually I already got some tears but I wasn't sure that she really said that... Eventually we came home, I asked my mum what it was all about cuz yeah a curious 12 year old piece of shit wants to know that ofc.. My mum hugged me like it was her last day to live already... I hugged her back and looked her in the eyes ans she said: "Ok Yassine, look, I have cancer. But please promise me... PROMISE me... that you won't tell your sister (My sister was 4 years old at the time and I can understand that my mum wanted to keep it a secret from her) I understood but it still didn't make me feel anybetter so I gave her a kiss and cried but she said that it was gonna be fine... Eventually school got hard with the imagination of your mum with cancer... We went to Germany and I had to say to all my friends and my loved  once  goodbye.. (We went to Germany cuz apparently the doctors there had better equipment and there was more hope there for my mum) I went to school like a normal guy made some friends (I really loved them they supported me with everything I went through... Then the Doctors told us that it should be alright with my mum so we were going back to the Netherlands and I was so fking happy to hear that (Apparently my dad was the only one that knew that the doctors were only saying that cuz of the children (me and my sis) And also my dad told him to put it out like that) Things went worse... My mum felt pain... and it for me it was like getting stabbed in the chest to see her feel pain... (Yeah cuz of cancer) My dad said that it was gonna be alright and I trusted his words.... Eventually.. my mum was lying on a death bed which ofc  I didn't realise... Family members started to come... Family members started to cry and some even couldn't watch my mum there cuz they saw me and my sis and didn't want to cry cuz they didn't want me to see. My mum told me and my sis to come to her and those damn words... I will never forget them: "Yassine, Yasmina (my sis). Everything's gonna be alright ok? Just trust me. *Gives me and my sis a kiss* and me and my sis seperated for a week (my sis was going to my aunt, and I went to my cousin) the main reason why we left is cuz my dad and my mum prefered us not to stay home since the living room was filled with more than 40/30 people and it was a hell there. My cousin and my Aunt took good care of me and I will always love them for that... Eventually I thought about making a drawing (present) for my mum it was a heart with her name in it and XXXXX (Kisses) and that I loved her so much. It was from my heart's potential/content and I will never forget that drawing. Eventually I called my dad up cuz I really wanted to see my mum again (My dad knew that my mum was dead that time but he just wanted to hide it from me, all my other family members knew this too me and my sis were the only one who did not!) to give her this present and because I missed my home and her and my dad. My dad was really slippery with words on my phone and I think he even cried! He begged me to stay at my cousin's place but I declined cuz I really wanted to see everyone again! I came home... Mum was gone... everybody was quiet and staired at me like I was the king of the whole fking world... I saw tears in everybody's eyes again.. but this time they were really REALLY different. My dad took me to my room.. and hugged me like he was gonna die too... I remembered that hug... it was like my mum's one but different...  I felt that my dad's hand was shaking and he told me the following: "Yassine, I really want to tell you something which is really hard but you have to know, just promise me... You don't tell your sis, is that clear?" me: Dad! You are making me scared! WTF is going on and where is mum (Of course I didn't say: "wtf" but just to point out how furious and confused I was at the same time)My dad hugged me again and said these words...: "Yassine, look at me in the eyes alright?? *I did what he said and looked at his eyes* "your mum is at a better place now, and no not the Hospital.. she is..d-..Dead. My world... was gone... my mind.. was empty... *Tears that could make the whole world sink came out of my eyes* I started to cry like I never cried before... this was staying for months... The only thing I could think of was crying... Crying out loud. My dad cried with me... And that's pretty much the story.

What is the point of this? Well my main point here is that I sometimes (rarely) get these memories and I start to feel like a prick and the things I missed and haven't done to her/giving her... The things I wanted to tell her... the chances... they were all damn gone... And sometimes those "rarely" feelings start to fuck me up in my mind and I hardly can think about things anymore... I start crying randomly, getting stressed, getting sad, depressed. You know what I mean... I probably will not use my mic for a few days cuz I really have to concentrate and think things out. So there you guys go you got the whole story and got some information about the shit I am going through these days... I really want to thank you for reading this.... If you want to talk to me about this feel free to I'd appreciate it <3

~Shadow <3
« Last Edit: November 14, 2017, 05:29:27 pm by Yassine_shadow »

Bomb

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2017, 05:47:38 pm »
Ok, what is this about?? Well it's about me and if you are not interested in this feel free to not read the following long ass story. (I told some people but this is the full story)

Ok, when I was 12/11 years old I saw that my mum already didn't feel any good. Eventually we went to a Doctor (me, my mum, my sis and my dad) the Doctor(s) pointed out that it's really hard to say it with me and my sis around so we got send out the room and had to wait there. Eventually I heard my mum crying and I was really curious about wtf was going on in there... I had the chance to just hear these few sentences: my mum: "Please tell me everything will be alright I AM NOT gonna die right!?" Eventually I already got some tears but I wasn't sure that she really said that... Eventually we came home, I asked my mum what it was all about cuz yeah a curious 12 year old piece of shit wants to know that ofc.. My mum hugged me like it was her last day to live already... I hugged her back and looked her in the eyes ans she said: "Ok Yassine, look, I have cancer. But please promise me... PROMISE me... that you won't tell your sister (My sister was 4 years old at the time and I can understand that my mum wanted to keep it a secret from her) I understood but it still didn't make me feel anybetter so I gave her a kiss and cried but she said that it was gonna be fine... Eventually school got hard with the imagination of your mum with cancer... We went to Germany and I had to say to all my friends and my loved  once  goodbye.. (We went to Germany cuz apparently the doctors there had better equipment and there was more hope there for my mum) I went to school like a normal guy made some friends (I really loved them they supported me with everything I went through... Then the Doctors told us that it should be alright with my mum so we were going back to the Netherlands and I was so fking happy to hear that (Apparently my dad was the only one that knew that the doctors were only saying that cuz of the children (me and my sis) And also my dad told him to put it out like that) Things went worse... My mum felt pain... and it for me it was like getting stabbed in the chest to see her feel pain... (Yeah cuz of cancer) My dad said that it was gonna be alright and I trusted his words.... Eventually.. my mum was lying on a death bed which ofc  I didn't realise... Family members started to come... Family members started to cry and some even couldn't watch my mum there cuz they saw me and my sis and didn't want to cry cuz they didn't want me to see. My mum told me and my sis to come to her and those damn words... I will never forget them: "Yassine, Yasmina (my sis). Everything's gonna be alright ok? Just trust me. *Gives me and my sis a kiss* and me and my sis seperated for a week (my sis was going to my aunt, and I went to my cousin) the main reason why we left is cuz my dad and my mum prefered us not to stay home since the living room was filled with more than 40/30 people and it was a hell there. My cousin and my Aunt took good care of me and I will always love them for that... Eventually I thought about making a drawing (present) for my mum it was a heart with her name in it and XXXXX (Kisses) and that I loved her so much. It was from my heart's potential/content and I will never forget that drawing. Eventually I called my dad up cuz I really wanted to see my mum again (My dad knew that my mum was dead that time but he just wanted to hide it from me, all my other family members knew this too me and my sis were the only one who did not!) to give her this present and because I missed my home and her and my dad. My dad was really slippery with words on my phone and I think he even cried! He begged me to stay at my cousin's place but I declined cuz I really wanted to see everyone again! I came home... Mum was gone... everybody was quiet and staired at me like I was the king of the whole fking world... I saw tears in everybody's eyes again.. but this time they were really REALLY different. My dad took me to my room.. and hugged me like he was gonna die too... I remembered that hug... it was like my mum's one but different...  I felt that my dad's hand was shaking and he told me the following: "Yassine, I really want to tell you something which is really hard but you have to know, just promise me... You don't tell your sis, is that clear?" me: Dad! You are making me scared! WTF is going on and where is mum (Of course I didn't say: "wtf" but just to point out how furious and confused I was at the same time)My dad hugged me again and said these words...: "Yassine, look at me in the eyes alright?? *I did what he said and looked at his eyes* "your mum is at a better place now, and no not the Hospital.. she is..d-..Dead. My world... was gone... my mind.. was empty... *Tears that could make the whole world sink came out of my eyes* I started to cry like I never cried before... this was staying for months... The only thing I could think of was crying... Crying out loud. My dad cried with me... And that's pretty much the story.

What is the point of this? Well my main point here is that I sometimes (rarely) get these memories and I start to feel like a prick and the things I missed and haven't done to her/giving her... The things I wanted to tell her... the chances... they were all damn gone... And sometimes those "rarely" feelings start to fuck me up in my mind and I hardly can think about things anymore... I start crying randomly, getting stressed, getting sad, depressed. You know what I mean... I probably will not use my mic for a few days cuz I really have to concentrate and think things out. So there you guys go you got the whole story and got some information about the shit I am going through these days... I really want to thank you for reading this.... If you want to talk to me about this feel free to I'd appreciate it <3

~Shadow <3
damn dude, that sucks, i kind of get the same thing, but for my dad, when i was 7-17 i started to realize why he was leaving so often, which was for his deployments. (he was in the air force, 20 years) and it was then i started to realize what he was doing, it worried the absolute SHIT out of me whenever he was gone, almost to the extent of how you rarely feel, half of the time i went to school when he was deployed (worst one for me was his 2 years in korea) i did the bare minimum of work, just barely passing my classes, just because of how worried i was when he was deployed, The day that we went to pick him up at the airport was the worst, always worrying about the chance of him not coming. that was ALWAYS in my mind. half of those nights i got barely any sleep. I never told anybody at school about this because i thought that they probably wouldn't care. everyone just saw me as that one depressed kid who does the bare minimum of work and never talks. when i was 1-6 i was just like, oh, he must be somewhere else, he's fine. or something along those lines. Now i'm just saying i'm there for you, i know how you feel (somewhat, but to a different extent) so if you ever need to talk, i'm here. (not going into full extent on my story, not willing to type it up due to how much i suppressed it.)
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Yassine_shadow

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2017, 05:50:53 pm »
I just wanted to point out that I live a happy life with my steph - mum and my little cute brother and sister which are posted on some discords but I felt like telling you guys so you guys are aware of some situations of mine, remember this just happends rarely so Don't worry about it I love you all and I will never forget any of you! <3
 

Yassine_shadow

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2017, 05:52:08 pm »
Ok, what is this about?? Well it's about me and if you are not interested in this feel free to not read the following long ass story. (I told some people but this is the full story)

Ok, when I was 12/11 years old I saw that my mum already didn't feel any good. Eventually we went to a Doctor (me, my mum, my sis and my dad) the Doctor(s) pointed out that it's really hard to say it with me and my sis around so we got send out the room and had to wait there. Eventually I heard my mum crying and I was really curious about wtf was going on in there... I had the chance to just hear these few sentences: my mum: "Please tell me everything will be alright I AM NOT gonna die right!?" Eventually I already got some tears but I wasn't sure that she really said that... Eventually we came home, I asked my mum what it was all about cuz yeah a curious 12 year old piece of shit wants to know that ofc.. My mum hugged me like it was her last day to live already... I hugged her back and looked her in the eyes ans she said: "Ok Yassine, look, I have cancer. But please promise me... PROMISE me... that you won't tell your sister (My sister was 4 years old at the time and I can understand that my mum wanted to keep it a secret from her) I understood but it still didn't make me feel anybetter so I gave her a kiss and cried but she said that it was gonna be fine... Eventually school got hard with the imagination of your mum with cancer... We went to Germany and I had to say to all my friends and my loved  once  goodbye.. (We went to Germany cuz apparently the doctors there had better equipment and there was more hope there for my mum) I went to school like a normal guy made some friends (I really loved them they supported me with everything I went through... Then the Doctors told us that it should be alright with my mum so we were going back to the Netherlands and I was so fking happy to hear that (Apparently my dad was the only one that knew that the doctors were only saying that cuz of the children (me and my sis) And also my dad told him to put it out like that) Things went worse... My mum felt pain... and it for me it was like getting stabbed in the chest to see her feel pain... (Yeah cuz of cancer) My dad said that it was gonna be alright and I trusted his words.... Eventually.. my mum was lying on a death bed which ofc  I didn't realise... Family members started to come... Family members started to cry and some even couldn't watch my mum there cuz they saw me and my sis and didn't want to cry cuz they didn't want me to see. My mum told me and my sis to come to her and those damn words... I will never forget them: "Yassine, Yasmina (my sis). Everything's gonna be alright ok? Just trust me. *Gives me and my sis a kiss* and me and my sis seperated for a week (my sis was going to my aunt, and I went to my cousin) the main reason why we left is cuz my dad and my mum prefered us not to stay home since the living room was filled with more than 40/30 people and it was a hell there. My cousin and my Aunt took good care of me and I will always love them for that... Eventually I thought about making a drawing (present) for my mum it was a heart with her name in it and XXXXX (Kisses) and that I loved her so much. It was from my heart's potential/content and I will never forget that drawing. Eventually I called my dad up cuz I really wanted to see my mum again (My dad knew that my mum was dead that time but he just wanted to hide it from me, all my other family members knew this too me and my sis were the only one who did not!) to give her this present and because I missed my home and her and my dad. My dad was really slippery with words on my phone and I think he even cried! He begged me to stay at my cousin's place but I declined cuz I really wanted to see everyone again! I came home... Mum was gone... everybody was quiet and staired at me like I was the king of the whole fking world... I saw tears in everybody's eyes again.. but this time they were really REALLY different. My dad took me to my room.. and hugged me like he was gonna die too... I remembered that hug... it was like my mum's one but different...  I felt that my dad's hand was shaking and he told me the following: "Yassine, I really want to tell you something which is really hard but you have to know, just promise me... You don't tell your sis, is that clear?" me: Dad! You are making me scared! WTF is going on and where is mum (Of course I didn't say: "wtf" but just to point out how furious and confused I was at the same time)My dad hugged me again and said these words...: "Yassine, look at me in the eyes alright?? *I did what he said and looked at his eyes* "your mum is at a better place now, and no not the Hospital.. she is..d-..Dead. My world... was gone... my mind.. was empty... *Tears that could make the whole world sink came out of my eyes* I started to cry like I never cried before... this was staying for months... The only thing I could think of was crying... Crying out loud. My dad cried with me... And that's pretty much the story.

What is the point of this? Well my main point here is that I sometimes (rarely) get these memories and I start to feel like a prick and the things I missed and haven't done to her/giving her... The things I wanted to tell her... the chances... they were all damn gone... And sometimes those "rarely" feelings start to fuck me up in my mind and I hardly can think about things anymore... I start crying randomly, getting stressed, getting sad, depressed. You know what I mean... I probably will not use my mic for a few days cuz I really have to concentrate and think things out. So there you guys go you got the whole story and got some information about the shit I am going through these days... I really want to thank you for reading this.... If you want to talk to me about this feel free to I'd appreciate it <3

~Shadow <3
damn dude, that sucks, i kind of get the same thing, but for my dad, when i was 7-17 i started to realize why he was leaving so often, which was for his deployments. (he was in the air force, 20 years) and it was then i started to realize what he was doing, it worried the absolute SHIT out of me whenever he was gone, almost to the extent of how you rarely feel, half of the time i went to school when he was deployed (worst one for me was his 2 years in korea) i did the bare minimum of work, just barely passing my classes, just because of how worried i was when he was deployed, The day that we went to pick him up at the airport was the worst, always worrying about the chance of him not coming. that was ALWAYS in my mind. half of those nights i got barely any sleep. I never told anybody at school about this because i thought that they probably wouldn't care. everyone just saw me as that one depressed kid who does the bare minimum of work and never talks. when i was 1-6 i was just like, oh, he must be somewhere else, he's fine. or something along those lines. Now i'm just saying i'm there for you, i know how you feel (somewhat, but to a different extent) so if you ever need to talk, i'm here. (not going into full extent on my story, not willing to type it up due to how much i suppressed it.)
Thx bomb, I just wanted to tell you that I am really sorry for your dad and that you want to share it with us is really nice, come talk to me about it sometime if you really want. but thx for your support fam <3

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2017, 06:02:40 pm »
I feel greatly sad about that. It makes me sad to see and imagine what happened. I hate it. But, we just got to live through it, like a wound that affected our lives entirely and will never be forgotten. Just like my science teacher said, "You have to continue going, don't stop because it stopped, just live on, try to make your goals and live on." My science teacher lived through rough times as well. Her parents divorced when she was about 6 or 8. She had to move so many times. Her parents then died. She still lived. Even though your mother died, just live on, it will hurt you deeply to go through it and remember it. Don't forget it. Don't die out. Don't think because one less person on this earth is gone, doesn't mean everyone else dies.

It make screw up your life entirely and at all costs. But you may cry, be alone, and all that. But just remember that you can do something if you continue to live and be good. I do feel bad about your moms passing. I pay respects to you and your family. We just need to live on as if nothing ever happened. One less person, is reborn.

We all love you Shadow, we hope to see you better. (probably not everyone, but a lot of the War3Evo members will have sympathy for you and your family.)


“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

Yassine_shadow

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2017, 06:05:39 pm »
Ok, my last wishes for you all.. please... do it for me...do it for the good parts of live and as long as you live! Care about your mum and dad as long as you live... Never look down on them it doesn't matter on which times just give them the love they deserve! They are your parents! Care about them! Show them how thankful you are! Show them that you really are a good thing in their part of their lives... please do that and you won't make the same mistake I did.... I still love my mum I will never forget her and I will always think about her... And she's still with me.. I just don't see her <3


~Shadow <3

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2017, 06:54:18 pm »
I've said this before, and god damn it i will say it again.

I do not care how long we have been friends, but we are friends, and this friend is here for you anytime you need.
I surrender my soul to the Dread Father,
embraced by the eternal darkness of the Black Sacrament.
I am reborn, forged anew from the blood of the fallen

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2017, 06:02:06 am »
Shadow.... I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Aunt Sally 2 years ago to liver cancer. So if you need to talk about things i want to let you know that i'm here to talk.

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2017, 10:50:59 am »
wow this Is sad I get u shadow and bomb my mom died when I was 6 of cancer and I had a lot less time to spend with her


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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2017, 02:59:24 pm »
Within the last year and a half I have lost my mother, my 18 year old cat, a brother in law and my sister went to jail and will most likely be sentenced to prison for many years. All I have left are my dad and brother. I know your pain my dude. We're all here for you if you need us.

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2017, 10:04:50 pm »
Bullshit happens sometimes. I'm really sorry about your death and hope you can feel better. Hope to see you in a few days probably, seeya.

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2017, 11:51:01 am »
*UPDATE* I've thought about the past, good things, bad things... my point is it really helped me out so I am recovered from it so I can talk again  ;D Everything's alright!

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2017, 02:34:26 pm »
*UPDATE* I've thought about the past, good things, bad things... my point is it really helped me out so I am recovered from it so I can talk again  ;D Everything's alright!
Good to hear shadow! :D
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I am reborn, forged anew from the blood of the fallen

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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2017, 03:13:08 pm »
*UPDATE* I've thought about the past, good things, bad things... my point is it really helped me out so I am recovered from it so I can talk again  ;D Everything's alright!
Good to hear shadow! :D
indeed.
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Re: Probably my hardest post till now. and it probably will be forever...
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2017, 07:04:06 pm »
hmmmmmm  good to hear I explain to u the truth cancer sucks I recommend kick It in the ass my mom died by it so I hate it


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