An Apology and an Explanation

[Goat]

This might be a long post, so I only request that you read the entire thing before criticizing me, because I do understand that the start of this may come off as somewhat defensive.


I've been making too many posts with this kind of tone recently, and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't do this again, but I feel as if I owe it to the W3E as a whole in light of recent events. If you haven't heard, I got myself banned from the discord server yesterday (Yeah) for a reason that at the time I didn't think much of, but I've come to realize that my actions could have done a lot to hurt people that I have a lot of respect for.

        I've played on a lot of jailbreak servers in my life, in fact, I've been playing jailbreak since before I even knew TF2 existed, back in like 2012 I was on my mom's computer playing on minecraft jailbreak servers without any access to microphones, and, I think in the span of that time, I haven't found one that was better than W3E. And by far, as well. I just feel as if I've never really been on a server before where the people are as socially competent as they are here. When you go to any other popular TF2 server, not just jailbreak, it's children screaming in their microphones, micspam, people saying edgy shit just to get a rise out of other people, and biased mods that will ban anyone for talking shit about them, but W3E is a place where I feel as if the community as a whole is just plain nice, interesting to talk to, and even the kids on the server are better than they are other servers, heck, they're even given mod status sometimes. I've always tryed my best to contribute to the server in anyway possible, as jailbreak is one of my favorite hobbies, don't get it mixed up, I've always cared about W3E as a server, genuinely, but that all changed somewhat recently.

But, why?

        I'm sure you all remember December 26th, the original server revival day, and you may be aware that I was one of the main people who was pushing for it to happen. In fact, in spite of my crippling social anxiety, I direct messaged (roughly) 46 different people on steam to let them know this was something that was going to take place, and it was a success. We almost even had the server full, at one point reaching about 30 people. This may be surprising, but I think that day was the day where my general disregaurd towards the server's well being began.
        You might be wondering how that even makes any sense, but I'll let these DM's between me and Dagothur do the talking themselves.
Dec 26, 2019 at 20:30
Me: Hey dag you think you can help me with something
Dag: ?
Me: I forgot to ask you about this,
Me: but I actually have lr music I wanted to get uploaded
Me: dont kill me pls
Dag: well did you donate or whatever
Dag: you can just post it
Dag: in the appropriat section
Dag: following the instructions
Me: Yeah okay
Me: It's up on the forums
Me: And yeah i donated
        To this day my lr music has not been added. Now, I dont really want to get into the philosphical aspect of whats taking place here, because I've done nothing but prove to myself and everyone else over the past few weeks that I have a tendency to be quite delusional when it comes to these kinds of things, but, I think that these messages highlight the underlying issue that W3E has been suffering from in recent times, and thats the lack of attention the server recieves from it's top moderators.  After this, I had basically no hope that W3E would see a week of consistant activity again. And thats where my discord server came in. (or at least my idea of it did, there's about a three to four week gap that takes place inbetween this)
        The basic goal of this discord server was that I wanted to create an environment where I could set up gaming events not just limited to W3E jailbreak and have it be consistantly interesting so that it had a purpose for existing rather than just being there. You might have saw in one of my earlier posts that I started it off by doing an unusual giveaway to get it going, and in order to keep interest in the server, I would do game events like jack box party packs, (you get the idea) You might be wondering what all of this build-up is even leading to,

This is where my build up ends btw incase it's old news or you just don't care

         Well, for the third event that we were doing, I wanted to do one last W3E meetup. Now, there was actually a goal I had in mind behind this meetup, and that was to get people from W3E to join my discord. And thats not all, I wanted to do it in a way that would cause a spectacle. Now, I actually want to explain this before I talk about what took place, and that's that Catfish asked me very very clearly not to do anything that would harm the server, also, Catfish is one of the people I have more respect for than anyone on the server, mainly because almost everytime I've had problems with other people, or was feeling upset, he would be there to try to calm me down and explain to me why its not entirely my fault. Now, normally if put into a position like this, I think it's safe to say that you should try to respect that persons simple request, right? Luckily for your deductive reasoning, you can see that there is text below what I just said. I played around with a few different plans in my head, the original being that I would show up at the wednesday meetup and give a short speech as warden as to why W3E is dead, and why you should join my discord server. Not only would this have been impractical, because I had no way of ensuring that the moderators wouldn't have muted me before I was done, but also Catfish made it very clear to me that this specific course of action would have annoyed him, and that he thought I was being petty. So instead, what I decided on was I was going to draw a circle next to sweeper, tell all the reds to walk into the circle, and then airblast them into the sweeper pit. When I was done with this, I would link my discord server in the chat, and then say on mic to join my discord. I was treating this whole thing as a joke, basically, I had very little intention on creating any kind of server revival and I was just trying to see how much damage I could do within a span of 5 seconds. None of it ever got to happen though, because barely anyone showed up to the event. Instead, I joined the war3evo discord server, and (I would copy what I said here but I got banned so it's deleted, plus, im banned.) I said something along the lines of "Hey, I was planning on massfreekilling and then advertising my discord on the jailbreak server, but nobody showed up so I'm just gonna do it here" I then linked my discord, and @ed server staff and vip. About 5 seconds after I did this, and after only 2 people joined, catfish banned me from the discord. I expected this to happen, but what I didn't entirely expect was that Catfish would take it personally. I don't have access to the messages he sent me, nor do I really want to quote him because a third party told me that he regrets some of aspects of what he said, but basically, he told me that I was intentionally trying to harm the well-being of W3E as a server, and in consequence of this, harming the people that still wanted to play on it. He also said that I was doing this for self gain and trying to make myself feel better for ruining this thing that so many other people still seem to care about.
        I'm sure you all know that it stings when somebody you respect denounces you, but the thing thats absolutely soul crushing is when they're absolutely right. I was a dickhead throughout this entire discord circus, and I'm beginning to realize that it's not even just this. I've been quite an asshole as a whole throughout my entire playtime on this server. The best example of this, and the person I owe the biggest apology to is Ben.
        And the reason why this is is because even though I've made so many jokes at the expense of Ben's gender identity, like a complete dickhead, I still took the time to try to demonize her and make her look like the bad guy. Ben has never done anything to me to warrant the the things that I've said to her, and it's honestly a shame I ever tried to make it look as if she did something to spite me. The truth is, Ben is one of the coolest people on W3E, and I shouldn't be surprised that she's been so evasive to explain how she feels to me. I think thats the thing that made me mad, although I was making these jokes at her expense, I would rationalize it in my head by thinking "she's never outright told me that this makes her uncomfortable, why should I restrict myself?" The truth is, I don't think that Catfish is the first person that I've wronged. I just think that he's the first guy to get mad at me about it, and thats why I'm giving this apology to you all as a whole. If it weren't Catfish, it would have been somebody else.

I've deleted my discord server, and when this post goes up, I'm deleting the following forum posts I made in the past:
goat.exe has stopped working
Did I mess up (Question about firing gaurds as warden)
(The next one is the binary post but Im not even going to bother typing out it's name)

The reason why is because I made these posts with the intention of garnering sympathy from people, a lot of the time at the expense of others, because I complained about a lot of people in these posts and I'm starting to think that this wasn't fair of me.

I accused you all of taking things to seriously, when at the end of the day, I was the one that was taking things too seriously this whole time.

Sorry for the cringe.

[Goat]

Also, I've archived the posts that I deleted incase you want something in them. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to hide anything.

[Pronax*]

Wow, this was a lot but I read every bit of it. A little hard off to start. Goat, I don't really think you were being a bad person or anything throughout your whole time on the server. You've always been funny and a cool person. As much as this is a little awkward to say I really got nothing else. I kind of don't know what else to say, this was a lot.

[Denzel Crocker]

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...i'm sorry but i really don't see how mfking everyone is gonna get anyone to join your discord...
...otherwise idk what to say here...i mean i'm glad you realized what you did was stupid and wrong...but the fact you did it in the first place...idk...

[Joe Mother]

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...
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...i'm sorry but i really don't see how mfking everyone is gonna get anyone to join your discord...
...otherwise idk what to say here...i mean i'm glad you realized what you did was stupid and wrong...but the fact you did it in the first place...idk...

The thing is though, he owned up to it. People make mistakes, but owning up to it in my mind means a lot.

[Goat]

...
...
...
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...i'm sorry but i really don't see how mfking everyone is gonna get anyone to join your discord...
...otherwise idk what to say here...i mean i'm glad you realized what you did was stupid and wrong...but the fact you did it in the first place...idk...

I think the original goal was to get people to join my discord, but it kind of just turned into me trying to find a way to break the rules and see how much damage I could do just because. Like I said, at this point I had kind of given up on w3e and I just thought it would be funny if I had done something like this. I never actually thought it would end up having the effect it did, though.

I should have explained this better, sorry Denzel

[bamboo]

Well Goat, not really trying to be mean, but you knew this was coming. I didn't know the full story, but now I do and I understand. You're all good with me and with some other people as well, hit me up if you need something, but don't do stuff like this again please. If you are thinking of doing something like this, tell me first, I can try to help out and change of what you're about to do.

[Goat]

Well Goat, not really trying to be mean, but you knew this was coming. I didn't know the full story, but now I do and I understand. You're all good with me and with some other people as well, hit me up if you need something, but don't do stuff like this again please. If you are thinking of doing something like this, tell me first, I can try to help out and change of what you're about to do.

Okay, to be clear, when I say I was attempting to do damage I meant that in a hyperbolic way. I don't mean that I was intentionally trying to be provocative or piss people off or anything like that, I was gonna do the mass freekill thing/server advertisement as a joke, and I guess I was really really stupid for thinking that anything except what did happen would happen. What I've come to realize is that a lot of the things that I've considered to be funny and not very serious have been having real impacts on things that effect people and the excuses I've been making to justify my actions have been disingenious.

Additionally, me and Catfish have somewhat patched things up since this happened.

[COle]

Im not sure why this is a huge deal, mass ffa's happen all the time on jb, doesnt matter if goat did it or not. Goat has a good point in saying that jailbreak's days are over, much like VSH and warcraft. In the end all it is for the majority of people is a good memory, that includes all the mass ffa's, but they're forgettable aren't they?

in the end i personally think no damage was done, it doesnt make me think any less of my time at W3E or of goat

[Goat]

Im not sure why this is a huge deal, mass ffa's happen all the time on jb, doesnt matter if goat did it or not. Goat has a good point in saying that jailbreak's days are over, much like VSH and warcraft. In the end all it is for the majority of people is a good memory, that includes all the mass ffa's, but they're forgettable aren't they?

in the end i personally think no damage was done, it doesnt make me think any less of my time at W3E or of goat

Okay I appreciate youre trying to stand up for me and all but thats not the point

What I'm trying to say is even though what I did didn't outright harm anything, Catfish was right that my intentions were really stupid, and I shouldnt have been trying to entertain myself off of hurting something that people I have come to respect care about.

[Haranu]

just take it as a learning experience. Idk I got nothing else.

[Crusaderbot]

at this point i think we gotta understand its time to let the server go


its a miracle that it lasted as long as it did, but without the attention it used to get it just wont be as popular


dont ban me

[pat]

Wow, this news to me. I guess it's alright that you realize your mistake and you're trying to atone to it. It's still fucked up, but I'm sure everybody will accept it in time.

[Goat]

Wow, this news to me. I guess it's alright that you realize your mistake and you're trying to atone to it. It's still fucked up, but I'm sure everybody will accept it in time.

Ouch, thanks though

at this point i think we gotta understand its time to let the server go


its a miracle that it lasted as long as it did, but without the attention it used to get it just wont be as popular


dont ban me

I find it very interesting that this is how some of you seem to be responding to my post, especially considering I paint this mindset in a negative light.

The truth is I don't think thats entirely the case, it really depends on what the state of things are by the time summer starts. I'm thinking that if Dagothur transfers server ownership to Catfish, and maybe you throw in another server revival event, you could probably extend the servers life a bit longer. (And when I say "server revival event" I don't mean those wimpy ass discord @server staff @vip events I mean one that we advertise like the December one we had a while back)

In all honesty I think the only thing thats seperating the server from being active and the server being dead is just one person deciding they give a shit and wanting to put the effort into at least making something happen.

I think it was proven back in December that even though the server doesn't have an active playerbase anymore, there are still people who are interested in playing W3E jailbreak. You just need to give them a reason to think that the 3 minutes it takes to open TF2 and check the server list will be worth their time, and not just be a waste, because nobody is on the server half the time.